Adult Children of Borderline Parents

Heal the hidden wounds of growing up with a parent who has borderline personality disorder (BPD), develop a healthy sense of self, and reclaim your full potential.

Did you grow up with a parent who has borderline personality disorder (BPD), or you suspect they did? Was your parent's behavior unpredictable or scary? Did it seem like they were angry one minute and happy the next? Were your basic needs ignored? If so, it wasn't your fault. Children raised by a parent with BPD are subjected to a number of unhealthy and damaging behaviors-from uncontrolled anger and abuse, to gaslighting, blame-shifting, lying, and more. As a result of these experiences, you may have developed feelings of guilt, insecurity, and depression that have lingered throughout your adult life.

This compassionate guide offers a trauma-informed approach to help you recover from your toxic childhood and discover the person you were truly meant to be. You'll learn how to identify emotional and developmental wounds, and discover why interactions with your parents were so harmful to your sense of self. Then, you'll learn to create strong interpersonal boundaries and overcome feelings of guilt, anger, and low self-worth. Finally, through the act of emotional reprocessing, you'll reclaim those aspects of yourself that were lost or distorted by your trauma, so you can restart healthy growth processes and become the person you were meant to be.

If you're carrying the hidden wounds of a toxic childhood, you're not alone-and you can heal. With this practical and powerful guide, you can finally understand what happened, build a healthy sense of self, and reach your full potential.

"As a psychotherapist, researcher, and adult child of a borderline parent, Lobel's book has been invaluable in my own healing. It provides clear, step-by-step guidance on how to recognize, address, and heal the wounds resulting from being raised by a parent suffering from BPD. By taking a personal inventory of what was normalized that wasn't normal, I was able to take steps to emotionally reprocess past traumatic experiences with empowering results."
--Nan Wise, psychotherapist, certified sex therapist, certified relationship specialist, behavioral neuroscience researcher at Rutgers University, and author of Why Good Sex Matters--Nan Wise
"Dan shares decades of knowledge, and explains the most complex relationships of all, with skill and ease. The reader who has spent years trying to make sense of the most complex dyad of all, the borderline personality disorder (BPD) parent-adult child relationship, will not only find themselves in the pages but relate and identify with the outstanding lived-experience examples. This is a book that you will return to time and time again."
--Fiona Yassin, psychotherapist, founder of The Wave Clinic, and specialist in adolescent and family BPD--Fiona Yassin
"Lobel has knocked it out of the park with this easy-to-read summary of borderline parents and their children. Lobel's clinical wisdom eases the reader through a comprehensive portrayal of the intergenerational implications of 'parenting while borderline'--a common but elusive clinical reality that gains clarity, and humanity, in Loebel's engaging depictions. This is a must-read for clinicians, adult children of borderline parents, and anyone who is curious about the science of emotional abuse and its sequelae."
--Aaron Krasner, MD, assistant professor of psychiatry at Yale University, and CEO of the Krasner Adolescent Institute--Aaron Krasner, MD
"Lobel is a master in his ability to distill what is regarded as one of the most complex and controversial diagnoses, into a concise and organized way. Those looking for a way to understand not only their parents with BPD, but also themselves, will benefit. This book will also serve as an important resource to clinicians in better understanding their work."
--Kelly Krcmarik, MD, attending psychiatrist, double-board certified, Harvard- and Brown-trained--Kelly Krcmarik, MD
"Once again, Lobel offers hope and clarity to people navigating life within a bewildering and painful borderline system. Lobel's newest book brings his expertise and empathy into the reader's hands, opening a doorway to a healthier path forward. A must-read how-to guide for clinicians and clients alike."
--Tracey Masella, LCW, clinical director of the Krasner Adolescent Institute--Tracey Masella, LCW
"This book cleared up confusion about my relationship behavior that caused me pain for decades. The author's tone is warm and supportive, yet clear in pointing out hard truths I couldn't grasp until I saw them spelled out. Many of us with childhood trauma yearn for someone who understands. The author does. He'll show you how to heal and move on to freedom. Read this book--it will quickly improve your life."
-- Kristen Mancinelli, MS, RD, author, and public health educator--Kristen Mancinelli, MS, RD

Daniel S. Lobel, PhD, practices clinical psychology in Katonah, NY. He is author of two books: When Your Daughter Has BPD and When Your Mother Has Borderline Personality Disorder, and numerous blogs on Psychology Today. He has taught at Mount Sinai School of Medicine, State University of New York, Hofstra School of Law, and lectures with the National Alliance of the Mentally Ill (NAMI).Randi Kreger is coauthor of Stop Walking on Eggshells, and author or coauthor of three other books: The Stop Walking on Eggshells Workbook, The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder, and Stop Walking on Eggshells for Parents. Kreger is owner and moderator of the Moving Forward family support group, which can be accessed at her website: She has given presentations throughout the United States and in Japan. She also has a one-on-one coaching practice which can be accessed through her website.

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