Loving You Is Hurting Me

Now available in paperback! Move forward in your journey and learn how to heal your emotional wounds, get unstuck, and get into healthy, loving, intimate relationships with the help of this eye-opening book.

At the core of most toxic relationships is a painful trauma wound desperate to be healed. As a licensed professional counselor and trauma researcher, Dr. Laura Copley often found herself disturbed by the stigma that her profession puts on trauma survivors who are in these toxic bonds, often too quickly labeling them as victims or abusers and blaming them for their troubled relationships. But trauma survivors try to navigate romantic relationships in the only way they know how--fearfully and painfully. Too often, survivors of trauma are left feeling hopeless, exiled from normal social interactions, and destined for heartbreak in any relationship they attract.

Through her work with clients, and her own experiences, Dr. Copley developed a roadmap for healing the toxic emotions that come from being bonded by trauma in relationships. In Loving You is Hurting Me, Dr. Copley guides you through your trauma origins and into a life rich with meaning, loving connection, and inspiration. Drawing from groundbreaking science on trauma and its effects on the body, and from her own practice including a decade's worth of research on trauma and intimacy, Dr. Copley presents an experiential and transformative approach unlike any other. Her program transforms your trauma bond into deep connection with the self and safe intimacy with others.

"A compassionate and concrete guide on healing the trauma that gets in the way of having fulfilling relationships, Loving You is Hurting Me offers a groundbreaking perspective on unravelling old toxic patterns and creating a life rich with love, connection, and purpose. Through her expertise as both a therapist and trauma bond survivor, Laura takes our hand and leads us through a deeper understanding of our family origins and helps us reclaim our story of healing and transformation."--Lori Gottlieb, New York Times bestselling author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone and co-host of the "Dear Therapists" podcast
"Beautifully written...a must-read for therapists and clients alike! Seamlessly incorporating research, psycho-education, and a variety of creative modalities, as well as poignant case examples and moving anecdotes from the author's own life, we are invited to compassionately explore the dynamics of attachment trauma and the subsequent wounding, shame, and inevitable trauma bonds that are perpetuated and reenacted in adult relationships. Despite the difficult subject matter, Dr. Copley constantly and lovingly reminds us that we possess the capacity to tap into our own magical wisdom, self-compassion, and inner guardians, and offers thought-provoking and meaningful tools to help us navigate the journey from trauma to transformation and post-traumatic growth."--Lisa Ferentz, LCSW-C, author of Finding Your Ruby Slippers: Transformative Life Lessons from the Therapist's Couch
"Dr. Laura Copley has seamlessly woven together research, clinical tools, and memoir to offer us a powerful journey home to ourselves. This book is for everyone who has known hurt but who also knows, even if only quietly in this moment, that they are worthy of wholeness."--Dr. Alexandra H. Solomon, faculty, School of Education and Social Policy, Northwestern University; bestselling author, Love Every Day; podcast host, Reimagining Love
"This is a read for anyone who is in a relationship or wants to be in a relationship. Dr. Copley does a fantastic job of breaking down an intimidating topic in a way that is thorough, digestible and tangible so you can actually make change. This book gives us a clear guide to understanding ourselves in a way that can lead us to the relationships we all deserve!" --Stacey Sherrell, LMFT and Co-Founder of Decoding Couples
"When couples get stuck in toxic patterns it's often not enough to problem-solve and look for solutions. Sometimes to go forward, you have to first go down: into the relationship's emotional underground. And what's often there beneath the surface is trauma: two people held together by the pain of their pasts and trapped in patterns that persistently re-traumatize. Thankfully, Laura Copley is right there to guide us, shining a bright light on our emotional underground and showing us that the only way out is not back up, but "through."--Ian Kerner, sex therapist and NY Times best-selling author of She Comes First

Trauma therapist, educator, and researcher, Dr. Laura Copley offers the "insider's perspective on toxic relationships." She is an expert on untangling trauma bonds and transmuting toxic patterns into healing opportunities for intimacy and connection. People seek her guidance because Laura helps them heal from the inside out. A long-time academic, Laura transitioned into founding her own private practice in 2015. Her innovative approach to working with relationships launched an international speaking circuit from the U.S. and across Europe. Since then, Laura has begun offering in-person retreats and virtual opportunities to help others unravel their trauma bonds and heal toxic patterns.

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