Love and Choice

What, in your relationships, have you chosen? What would you choose, if you felt able?

In Love and Choice, therapist and journalist Lucy Fry explains why relationship should start with these simple questions. Most of us are brought up with a blueprint - an outline or even a plan - for our most important and intimate relationships. It comes from parents, grandparents, teachers, the media, books, television, or even the government's tax policies, but even today the message we receive is simple:

The (gold) standard for a romantic relationship is one that is heterosexual, between two people, and monogamous.

Lucy invites us to examine this blueprint consciously, accept that it may not be for everyone, and consider something outside the ordinary. By offering us a window into a connection built on choice, and a radical approach, Lucy helps us explore what we really want, and what our relationship needs. With care, wit and candour, Fry blends insightful psychological and philosophical ideas with case studies drawn from interviews with experts, real people, and experiences in her own life.

Love and Choice gives readers everything they need to choose what, who, and how to love.

“Love and Choice is a refreshingly different relationship book, guiding us through this troubling terrain with kind words and a steady hand. As always, Lucy Fry conveys the feeling of love in a way few others manage, from excruciating to transcendent and everything in between. This time, by sharing others' stories alongside her own, she also captures the diversity of love experiences in a way I've seldom seen. So, while this is an important addition to the conscious non-monogamy literature, it is also way more than that. It encompasses diversities of singledom and soloness, conscious and unconscious monogamy, celibacies, sex work relationships, and more. Through the book we learn the restrictive nature of both the outer cultural relationship rules, and our own relational traumas and scripts, and how we might open these up to enable more choice. We also learn how it is possible to embrace moments of relationship 'failure' as just as vital and beautiful as any happily-ever-after.”

Love and Choice is a refreshingly different relationship book, guiding us through this troubling terrain with kind words and a steady hand. As always, Lucy Fry conveys the feeling of love in a way few others manage, from excruciating to transcendent and everything in between. This time, by sharing others' stories alongside her own, she also captures the diversity of love experiences in a way I've seldom seen. So, while this is an important addition to the conscious non-monogamy literature, it is also way more than that. It encompasses diversities of singledom and soloness, conscious and unconscious monogamy, celibacies, sex work relationships, and more. Through the book we learn the restrictive nature of both the outer cultural relationship rules, and our own relational traumas and scripts, and how we might open these up to enable more choice. We also learn how it is possible to embrace moments of relationship 'failure' as just as vital and beautiful as any happily-ever-after. Meg-John Barker, author of Rewriting The Rules
A welcome addition to the list of intelligent books that encourage us to think about relationships in more sophisticated ways Rosie Wilby, author of The Breakup Monologues

Lucy Fry is a journalist, writer, therapist, and public speaker. She has written extensively about wellbeing and relationships for the mainstream media, including The Times, Telegraph, Guardian, Mail on Sunday, Women's Health, Psychologies Magazine, Stylist and the i newspaper. She's London-based so would be available for any publicity commitment. She wrote RUN, RIDE, SINK OR SWIM published by Faber & Faber in 2015 (UK) and 2017 (US) and was shortlisted for the New Writer Prize at the 2016 Cross Sports Book Awards.

Her recent memoir, EASIER WAYS TO SAY I LOVE YOU was published by Myriad Editions in 2020.

What, in your relationships, have you chosen? What would you choose, if you felt able? In Love and Choice , therapist and journalist Lucy Fry explains why relationship should start with these simple questions. Most of us are brought up with a blueprint - an outline or even a plan - for our most important and intimate relationships. It comes from parents, grandparents, teachers, the media, books, television, or even the government's tax policies, but even today the message we receive is simple: The (gold) standard for a romantic relationship is one that is heterosexual, between two people, and monogamous. Lucy invites us to examine this blueprint consciously, accept that it may not be for everyone, and consider something outside the ordinary . By offering us a window into a connection built on choice , and a radical approach , Lucy helps us explore what we really want, and what our relationship needs. With care, wit and candour, Fry blends insightful psychological and philosophical ideas with case studies drawn from interviews with experts, real people, and experiences in her own life. Love and Choice gives readers everything they need to choose what, who, and how to love .

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