Always a Sibling

A practical, compassionate guide to sibling loss, with research, stories, and strategies for "forgotten mourners" as they move through the stages of grief towards finding meaning.

After her brother was killed by a suicide bomber in Afghanistan, Annie Sklaver Orenstein was heartbroken and unmoored. Standing in the grief section of her local bookstore, she searched for guides on how to work through her grief as a mourning sibling-and found nothing. More than 4 million American adults each year will lose a sibling, yet there isn't a modern resource guide available that speaks directly to this type of grief that at times can be overshadowed by grieving parents and spouses and made even more difficult by the complexities of sibling dynamics.

In Always a Sibling, Annie uses her own story and those of others to create the empathic, thoughtful, practical resource that she sought. Divided into three sections: With, Without, and Within, Always a Sibling creates a framework that enables the reader to ground themselves in order to process and validate this often overlooked grief. Annie guides readers to capture the memories and emotions of life with their now deceased sibling, then moves to addressing the grieving process in detail as they navigate life without them. Ultimately, readers will find ways to experience their sibling's presence within themselves and acknowledge their legacy. With practical strategies rooted in proven grief processing techniques, trauma recovery, and psychoanalysis, Always A Sibling truly supports mourners through the unique experience of sibling loss.

"Orenstein shows her readers that they aren't alone. Their feelings and reactions aren't unusual. And their grief matters, too."--Bookpage
"Annie has internalized the research on sibling loss and delivered it with wit, grace and simplicity. She makes an impossible situation feel a little more manageable. I very much hope you do not need this book, but if you do, I am grateful that you now have it." --Emily Oster, author of the bestselling titles, Expecting Better, Cribsheet and The Family Firm
"Annie Sklaver Orenstein captures the raw and devastating grief of losing her brother Captain Ben Sklaver to war, and the life-changing ripple effect that comes from such a loss. Orenstein shares with us a powerful, universal, and uplifting truth: that death is not the end of our story, nor does it sever the connection and love we feel with the most important people in our life." --Kate Spencer, author of The Dead Moms Club and Co-Host of the Forever35 podcast
"Bursts with provocative questions that feel at once familiar and entirely fresh, and the kind of vulnerable storytelling that makes me want to hug her and, in fact, everyone. Annie's expertise as an ethnographer--as a professional empathy-generator--crackles on the page." --Samara Bay, speech coach and author of Permission to Speak
"I became a completely different person after my brother's death. My life is now divided into 'before' and 'after' and I wish I'd had this book as a resource to guide me through that process. Through the exercises Annie outlines in her book, I know that other grieving siblings will be able to find the support and guidance they need." --Stephanie Wittels Wachs, author of Everything is Horrible and Wonderful and host of The Last Day podcast

Annie Sklaver Orenstein is a qualitative researcher, oral historian, and storyteller who has spent the last decade collecting stories from people around the world on behalf of companies including Google, Viacom, Mattel, Instagram, Facebook, Pfizer, Netflix, Johnson & Johnson, and more. Her work has been featured on NBC Nightly News, Comedy Central, Huffington Post, Politico, TIME and Mother.ly. In 2020, driven by a desire to share these stories beyond the walls of corporate America, Annie founded Dispatch from Daybreak, a collection of letters written by womxn to their earlier selves. She lives in Connecticut with her partner, children, dog, and chickens. You can follow her work at or on Instagram @anniesklaverorenstein

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